My new freedom and independence day was on March 30, and really, although freedom and independence sometimes comes with a price, I am truly happy and finally at peace with myself.  I got a new car - the monster truck gas hog nightmare I had been driving finally died and I got a RED Toyota Scion xd - totally the opposite!!  I gave up the money pit house for a fantastic apartment (where I don't have to worry about any more ridiculous maintainance) with a pool, sun room, fitness room and half the cost.  I am invloved with a wonderful and beautiful partner who has made my life blossom.  My daughter is doing wonderfully in all aspects of her life and hasn't yet - thankfully - reached the hormanal teens yet and thinks I'm great still.

Although I did fall in February on black ice and break my hip socket (yes on the same hip that has been replaced twice) I was off for 6 weeks which had its own perks I suppose.  Well, I fell at work, and now my employer is appealing my worker's comp - go figure.  I am finally back at work, and walking without too much pain.

I am making some final changes to my life - which are still in process, but I feel very much like I am going through a metamorphosis and that I am going from being a caterpillar in a cocoon to a beautiful butterfly with the world to explore. 

     Here where I live there is such a group of people.  This year, their jollies have been had by firing people 4 days before Christimas in the name of BUDGET CUTS - well, at least that's what they say..... BUDGET CUTS - really?  Well, I suppose . . . but what we all know is that the people who got the GRINCH's axe were really hatcheted out because they were not GRINCHY enough . . .  they were not on the GRINCH's team... they were were not on the DARK SIDE.  These people with 20 years experience, 5 years experience, or less than a year experience, were treated with nastiness, rudeness, almost glee, and not a word about being sorry that this had to happen to them, one person was home sick and didn't know she was fired until investigators showed up at her door with a box of her personal items from her office.

     I know this has happened to people all over our country this year - layoffs, budget cuts, and numerous other such indignities, while those at the top keep lining their pockets with raises and other goodies.  I thankfully was not (YET) one of the ones "TERMINATED" but my time is soon - I can feel in my not-so-GRINCHY little bones. 

     I remember only that no matter what, GOD will provide, and that eventually, we will survive and be better for it, and that although we may sleep fitfully worrying about the finances and such, we can at least sleep knowing we did nothing wrong and that we did not wrong anyone in a malicious way.  I know I can. 

I am so happy this year, and having no such anxiety or depression.  I am facing a new me, a new life and and having a whole new outlook on the holiday season.  I am spending the holidays with my daughter and my parents, and with a new person in my life.  I am finally feeling free to express who I am and to share in the joys of the season.  I am attending a wonderful church and am surrounded by new friends and even renewing my frienships with my old friends that I had pushed aside my former miserable life.  I am truly blessed by the love of God this season. 

As I go through my day, I am reminded of the inner peace that I am beginning to have in my life that I never knew as I come to really know who I am and what I am capable of doing.  I am able to convey all this to my daughter and spend real and quality time with her. 

I wish joy and harmony to all of you, no matter what you celebrate at this time of year, or even what you may not celebrate.  Celebrate life and experience peace and joy nevertheless. 

I believe that this country was founded on the principle that all people are equal and that all people have freedoms to be who they want to be and believe what they want to believe and to make appropriate, responsible and self respecting choices for themselves and their families - that we are self-reliant and self-responsible, and that we are empathetic to others and can be tolerant of differences and not judgmental. That we canworktogether as a nation to move mountains and save ourselves from the divisiveness we have been suffering from for so long. 

I am at the very least proud of our country for being able to overcome prejudice and stand up for any cause and to speak our minds.  This is not to say that all problems will be fixed and that world peace will be achieved because Obama is President.  No, it is to say that Obama's Presidency will hopefully stand for the end of apathy, oppression of diversity and human dignity, negativity, anger and instead bring the beginning of a new generation of action, humility, tolerance, optimism, realism and community to this country.

On this day, I am proud to be an American.

So, what do I think I should do now?  Several thoughts have entered my mind.  I mentioned to Fran, one of my fellow CT members, that I thought about going to Florida and taking up painting surf boards for a living - not bad, but probably not all that realistic - I do have a 9 year old after all.  Then I thought maybe I would like to just work a couple part-time jobs here and there and be "mindless" to the extent that I would not have to be making life decisions for kids' lives every second of the day.

Then I decided what I really want is to go back to school and take classes in graphic and web design.  So, while I still have a good paying job with benefits and a retirement plan, I'm looking into that opportunity and will be pursuing that dream.  I have finally taken control over my life and my destiny.  I can't very well tell my daughter to do that if I'm not doing it.   

Anyway, as I reflect, I try to keep things in perspective, and remember that it's okay to be pensive, it's okay to be jolly, and it's okay to hate the whole darn thing.